IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
