Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
