Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Randomize
