Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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