haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
