Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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