My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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