All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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