He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you will always have a special place in my vag
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
