So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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