I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
