Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
