He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
