That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
