We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
