It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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