remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
what day is it and did you see me today?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
