I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
