Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
