We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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