I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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