summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
