Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
