I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
As shirtless as possible
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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