Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
