Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
