I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
