The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
