I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
