i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
