I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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