Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
