before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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