So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
