im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
