i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
