I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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