He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
