my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
