so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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