Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
