Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
