I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
