wanna go halves on a baby?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
