Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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