Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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