i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
