You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
