I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
vagina is talking i cant
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
