So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
